Cycle #5 - 2/3 gone!

Today's treatment is finished!! The Dr said we continue to "scoot by" with my blood counts. Last week's treatment was an especially hard one for platelets and red cells. Today my platelets were fine and my hemoglobin was down only .2!!! Praise be to God! One of my friends said she chuckles every week when my counts squeeze by! She said the Dr. doesn't know how many people are bombarding heaven for my blood count! I say a resounding "Amen" to that!

Graham Benton McClanahan

Last week was a bit difficult, but still, nothing to complain about!  And I was able to go to Cedar Falls, IA for the weekend for  my "baby nephew", Graham McClanahan's high school graduation! In February when I saw the calendar for my chemo, I "just knew" I would have to miss Graham's graduation! But again, God was gracious and allowed me to be there. I am so grateful!  (I'm pausing to share a picture of our handsome high school graduate!)

Today the Dr. paused when he heard that last week was tough. He said he wasn't surprised and he said he was sorry. When he paused, I said, "You're sorry you're doing this to me?".  He laughed and said "Yes, but it's for a good cause!". He's still edging the doses up and going in for a "win" at the end. That's okay with me. I just don't have much steam.  That's because of the low hemoglobin. I think I may make it without a transfusion.  Keep helping me pray for that.   But, in the meantime I'm puny-looking and sometimes huff and puff - both of which hurt my pride! :). I did go buy some new make-up after chemo today. It's supposed to give me a glow! Maybe it will get me through June!

It seems like each time I go for chemo I need a new dose of courage and strength. Today I felt especially weak. So before we left for the clinic I wanted to take time to read today's scripture in my "Handbook for Prayer". When I read two of the verses, I was amazed.  Old verses for today's need!

I will not fear, for You are with me;
I will not be dismayed, for You are my God.
You will strengthen me and help me;
You will uphold me with Your righteous right hand.
For You are the Lord my God, who takes hold of my right hand
And says to me, "Do not fear; I will help you." (Isaiah 41:10, 13)


I call this to mind,
And therefore I have hope; 
The Lord's mercies never cease,
For His compassions never fail,
They are new every morning; 
Great is Your faithfulness (Lamentations 3:21-23)

Once again, I had the courage and strength to go get "soaked in chemicals" and it went well.  I am thankful for the great Dr. the Lord has given me.  The nurses are so pleasant and compassionate.  (They want to make sure I know to call if I run out of energy so they can get me scheduled for a transfusion.  They think I look pale!)  The facilities couldn't be nicer.  I am truly blessed.  And I am blessed by your continued prayer and support.  With God's help I will get these next 4 treatments under my belt (my very small belt, I might add - for my jealous girlfriends!)  Four weeks still seems like a long time, but when I look back - four weeks looks "doable"!  There's light at the end of the tunnel.  Continue to pray that my blood counts hold steady for the next month!

Next week I will have another single-dose treatment.  Then the week after that will kick off Cycle Six with my last "big treatment"!!  Woo Hoo!!  Final treatment is scheduled for June 28!!!!  I am praying that God will see fit to allow these plans to be done as scheduled!

Cycle Five - 1/3 gone!!!

There's not a lot to share with you tonight!  Today was a "big treatment" as I call them.  The Dr. calls it a "hard treatment".  My term seems less intimidating in my mind as they plug me in and start the drugs!

The day was fairly "routine"!!  How nice to use that word - "routine"!  My counts are holding steady.  My weight is the same - I forgot what I weighed last week, but I think I may have even gained a pound or two.  Who would have thought I'd be rejoicing over that???  My red count remains low, but "acceptable" I guess. The drug I got today as part of the "big treatment" is especially hard on red cells.  I do have 3 weeks between doses of that drug, but by getting the other drug weekly, my bones are having a difficult time not falling behind in their work! :-)

I really don't feel that "bad".  The nurse said that because the count drops slowly, sometimes patients don't notice the difference in their energy level.  Today, the Dr. wasn't as definite about getting a transfusion.  He said we will just monitor how my levels are doing.  The nurse in the infusion center, however, told me that if I "hit the wall" during the week, to call and they will schedule me for a transfusion.  And she thought I could do that without altering my treatment schedule.  That would make me happy.  I'm really watching for that June 28 last treatment to arrive!!  I would be sad to move that into July!

People weren't very talkative today so basically I went in, went through the "paces" to earn my place in the chemo room, then read for the couple of hours during the treatment (and ate snacks!).  Steve, my faithful chauffeur, attendant, bodyguard, "sugar daddy" :-), ad infinitum, stayed until drugs were dripping properly, then ran errands for a while.  Overall, it was just an uneventful day.  Praise the Lord - that's an answer to prayer!!! 

This afternoon and evening I am feeling really well - a little shaky, but well.  Of course, I still have steroids in my body, so I'm feeling no pain!   I have this "philosophy" which probably has no basis in medicine.  But, for 24 hours, until the chemo is out of my system, I drink lots of fluids, try to walk around periodically, and plan to take a mile walk when I first get up tomorrow morning.  In my mind, it "cleanses my system".  I don't know if that's in reality, but it sure makes me feel better!  I'm always a bit relieved when 24 hours are gone and all I have to do is try to recoup for the next treatment, sans drugs in my body!

For an uneventful day, I have said too much!  I will end by sharing the song that was in my mind when I awoke this morning!  It was not the usual message of comfort or strength the Lord has given on chemo days, but was more a message of purpose.  I consider it instructive for today and the days to follow as I interact with people who I would never have met without this "crisis' in my life.  The title of the song is "Daystar".  I downloaded it from iTunes - sung by Jason Crabb.  Parts of the song lyrics follow:

Lily of the Valley, let your sweet aroma fill my life.
Rose of Sharon, show me how to grow in beauty in God's sight.
Fairest of ten thousand, make me a reflection of your light.
Daystar, shine down on me, let Your love shine through me in the night.


Lead me Lord, I'll follow.  Anywhere you open up the door.
Let your word speak to me, show me what I've never seen before.
Lord, I want to be your witness, you can take what's wrong and make it right.
Daystar, shine down on me, let your love shine through me in the night.

What a beautiful song!  I hadn't thought of it in many months or even years.


As for treatment logistics - today I got 1/3 of Cycle Five finished!  I will have two one-drug treatments the next two weeks, then I will have the LAST "hard treatment" - the beginning of Cycle Six.  (I get teary-eyed just typing those words.)  I really don't get more brave or nonchalant about my treatments as time goes by.  Each Monday evening and Tuesday are tough days.  Then I "get to" give myself shots in the interim between treatments.  It will be a great day when I can see all of that "in the past tense"!  Thank you so much for your prayers.  I know 18 weeks is a long time to pray for someone, but I know some of you are praying every day.  "...the joy of the Lord is my strength."(Nehemiah 8:10) - otherwise I would be in the fetal position under the bed!:-)  Thank you for your love and support!

Cycle #4 - FINISHED!!

I will quickly tell you that all my counts were up today!!  Thank God for healing my bones!!!  The nurse said my counts were "superb"!  The Dr. said it seems we are "in a pattern".  So we're still going!

Last week the Dr. said he was going to "nudge" my doses up as long as my counts could tolerate it.  Today I told him that last week's treatment "zapped" me for a while.  He told me that last week he increased my dose from 66% to 75% so that would explain how I felt.  He said he is going to continue to do that as we go in for the last two cycles.  So, I may not be "kicking so high" for these last 41.74 days (that count is according to the count down app on my phone! :-))  The Dr. also almost promised me that he will give me one unit of blood before we're finished. Last week he had said one or two, so one sounds better to me!  Those of you who have had transfusions know first- hand what I've been told, and that is that after a transfusion the patient feels really good!  So, maybe having a transfusion won't be all bad! (Steve said he heard they're going to use monkey blood.  Maybe I would at least have some hair after that!!)

If my counts continue to be good, next week will begin Cycle #5 with my next-to-last big two-drug treatment.  So, I will appreciate your prayers as I start Cycle 5.  I always dread those treatments more than the ones in between.

The last thing I want to share with you is the song that was the first thing in my mind when I awakened this morning. The title is "His Strength is Perfect".  The rendition I have is by CeCe Winans if you want to listen to it on iTunes. Some of the words are as follows:
v.2
   We can only know, the power that He holds,
   When we truly see how deep our weakness goes.
   His strength in us begin, when ours comes to an end.
   He hears our humble cry and proves again.....
Chorus
   His strength is perfect, when our strength is gone.
   He'll carry us when we can't carry on.
   Raised in His power, the weak become strong.
   His strength is perfect!  His strength is perfect! 

I played this for Steve as we were on our way to chemo.  What wonderful words to think on as I went through the treatment process this morning!

Last night I told Steve it will be so nice when I can go to bed on a Monday night and not dread Tuesday morning.  I've been dreading Tuesdays now for a long time.  But as soon as I say something like that, I have to start listing the things for which I am thankful.  And that list goes on and on.  Even my worst days are so much better than I thought they might be.  And my worst days are so much better than many peoples' best days.  God is so merciful and gracious to me.  I realize that the way my treatments have gone is specifically in answer to all the prayers that have been and are being prayed for me.  And I want my blessings to be "to the praise of his glory" (Ephesians 1:12) I don't deserve them and I am so thankful for all of those blessings - which include my friends who are praying and supporting me!  Thanks!

Onward and Upward

"Onward and upward" is what my Dr. says after he's examined me, questioned me, and evaluated my blood counts!  (That's on the days I "pass"!)  And I passed today!  Thanks for your prayers!

My platelets and red count are getting lower.  The nurse reminded me that I don't have any "to give away" and I assured her I hadn't been!  The Dr. and nurse both talked about a transfusion.  So that may be part of my future adventures on this journey.  I think they are preparing me for the eventuality!  I hope I can escape that treatment but, as the Dr. said, "It's not the end of the world."

The low red count/hemoglobin will eventually make me tired.  Right now I still have an amazing amount of energy, although I do get winded when I do some "normal" things.  So the nurse said when I get "too pooped to go", they'll probably do a transfusion. 

Today's treatment zapped me.  I expected that to happen last week and it didn't.  Who knew?!  I feel like I've been soaked in chemicals and I had to "sleep off my drunk" when I got home.  But I'm up moving around again.  I don't want that stuff to "pool in my veins"!!  (I know that's not very medical or scientific, but that's how I feel!:-)))  I watered my herb garden and walked around outside a little.  Tomorrow I hope to be back on my daily "regimen".  The nurse suggested that instead of drinking so much water, that I drink more things with nourishment in them so I'm getting ready to make a bunch of limeade.  I'm so excited!  That will make drinking much more fun!  (I know, who said drinking wasn't fun?) :-)  My weight was down a little this week so along with drinking more nourishment, I'm supposing it would also be advisable to eat more ice cream.  (That's my own prescription!)

Today's song that was going through my mind when I woke up is one we sang in church on Sunday.  I may have mentioned it before, but it is relevant again today, and it is "today's song"!  I'll share part of it.  The title is "All Must Be Well"  On iTunes it's sung by Matthew Smith on Incredible Grace Music if you want to download it.  I thank God for putting it in my mind while I was asleep last night.  What a wonderful truth upon which to meditate as I awakened this morning!  The 2nd and 3rd verses go as follows:

Though we pass through tribulation, All will be well.
Cause it's such a full salvation, All is well.
Happy still in God confiding, 
Fruitful if in Christ abiding,
Steadfast through the Spirit's guiding, All must be well.

We expect a bright tomorrow, All will be well.
Faith can sing through days of sorrow, All is well.
On our Father's love relying,
Jesus every need supplying,
Yes, in living or in dying, All must be well!

I am confident that all is well and all will be well!  One last thought.  I seriously laughed out loud during my devotions one morning last week.  The verse that was part of the reading for that day was Psalm 6:2, "O Lord, heal me, for my bones are in distress."  I couldn't believe it!  It was so relevant! Straight to my heart (or bones!)  That verse has now become my prayer and I wasn't surprised when my counts were "okay" this morning!  I will appreciate your continued prayers that the Lord will heal my bones and that they will make all the blood they should be making!

Seven more treatments!  Two more cycles!!  Thanks for hanging in there with me on this journey!  God is so good - all the time!  He is the One to be praised for the strength He provides to me each day!

Cycle Four - Only Two More.....

....two more cycles, that is!  That means only two more "big treatments" with six one-drug treatments sandwiched in between!  That's a total of eight more!

Today's treatment felt to me like it went better than any of the other ones.  I basically had no "symptoms" during the treatment.  Sometimes I have had a bad taste (chemical) in my mouth during treatment or occasionally I have felt a little dizzy when they gave me my premeds.  Nothing bad, but it was just nice to feel so "normal" during the treatment today.

My blood counts are hanging in there.  With the injections I'm getting, my white count remains high.  Platelets and red count are on the low side, but okay.  The Dr. increased the dosage back up some today, so he'll see how that impacts my counts next week.  Between now and next Tuesday if you want to know how to pray, you can pray for my platelets and my red count! :-)

Almost every time I tell another woman about my diagnosis, she wants to know about my symptoms and how I knew to go in to the Dr. when I had just had my annual check-up that had come back normal.  I have spoken to many women who have an uneasiness about the possibility they could have or will have ovarian cancer.  Today I visited with a lady who was in the chemotherapy room with another patient.  She is a retired teacher, so we were "soul sisters" right away. She wanted to know why I was there (only a teacher would ask!), then wanted to know how I knew I had ovarian cancer.  She then asked if I had been real sick with the chemotherapy.  I had the opportunity in telling her both stories, that God's hand has been so obvious throughout this experience.  She gestured with her hands, and made a "covering".  She said, "It sounds like you are just surrounded!"  I told her that I was surrounded by prayer and that it had made, and is making all the difference in my treatment.  She said she believed that too and seemed encouraged by my story! 

Shara and G.B. McClanahan

When I knew I would be this far into my treatment on April 30, I resigned myself to the fact that I probably wouldn't be able to attend the graduation of my niece and nephew in Indiana on that date.  As you know, April 30 was this past Saturday.  I praise the Lord that I was able to be there for all of the festivities!!!  What a miracle!  I was praising Him all week-end, for every event I got to attend.  And if I had to leave a little early to rest or to get the right food in my stomach ;-), I was just thankful I was there!  I took all my "paraphernalia" and gave myself the injections so my treatment didn't "miss a beat"!  What a wonderful blessing and a great weekend!

At the Baccalaureate service Friday evening, the congregation sang the "Revelation Song".  I was moved to tears as I heard the crowd of about 2000 singing,

Worthy is the Lamb, Who was slain, Holy, Holy is He.  
Sing a new song, to Him Who sits on, heaven's Mercy Seat.

Clothed in rainbows, of living color, flashes of lightning, rolls of thunder.
Blessing and honor strength and, glory and power be, to you the only wise King.

Filled with wonder, awestruck wonder, at the mention of Your name, 
Jesus, Your name is Power. Breath and Living Water, such a marvelous mystery.
 
Holy, Holy, Holy, is the Lord God almighty, 
Who was and is, and is to come. 
With all creation I sing, Praise to the King of Kings, 
You are my everything and I will adore You....

If there's one thing I've learned during these past few months, it is that we do not control one minute or any event of any day.  "Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change." (James 1:17)  God is in control, even when we live with the illusion that we are!  And every breath is a gift.  Every day is a gift.  Undeserved gifts!  I'm thankful that He is trustworthy and I can rest in knowing that He doesn't vary or change!  We can't say that about anything else in this world!  So, I had to stand with the 2000 people and sing from the bottom of my soul, "With all creation I sing, Praise to the King of Kings......"  Whew!  I'm getting teary-eyed now.  Time to quit!

Thanks again to everyone for your support, prayers, cards, text messages, phone calls, ad infinitum....  Today I received a card signed by seventeen men in South Carolina, an Intercessory Prayer Group.  I don't know sixteen of the seventeen, but they are praying for me.  I am humbled and honored by the support of so many people!