One Year Anniversary

I just couldn’t keep myself from doing a blog entry tonight, even though my blog has been dormant now for several months!  A year ago today I had my first surgery, which was supposed to be “no big deal” and I had come home for my 2 week recuperation before resuming my normal duties.  Little did I know that on the 17^th my world would change!

I can’t help but relive those days, remembering “a year ago today”…..  To make it more vivid to me, I had a CT scan on Friday and went to the Dr. today for the results.  I’m guessing there will never be a time when waiting for those scan results doesn’t create a bit of anxiety.  I breathed a sigh of relief when the Dr. said the scan showed that my abdominal and pelvic “pictures” were clear.  There was a tiny place on one of my lungs that they will watch, but the Dr. is 99% sure it’s nothing and suspects that at the time of the next scan it will be gone.  My blood work was “peachy” as the nurse said!  All I can say is, “Praise God from whom all blessings flow!”

After Steve and I left the Dr. office, we went out for lunch.  When we were almost finished with lunch, I went to the ladies’ room and noticed as I walked by a table, that the back of one of the people at the table looked like my gynecologist.  So as I walked on I was reminded of the fact that if it hadn’t been for her staff who listened to my concerns, did an extra exam (with minimal or no symptoms), then sent me for an internal ultrasound – my cancer would not have been detected at the very early stage it was diagnosed.  As I came out of the bathroom stall (I know, “TMI!!!!!”) and was washing my hands, in walked Dr. Grant!  She said, “Cheryl!!  I saw you walk by so I followed you into the bathroom!”  :-) I hadn’t seen her since October of last year, but she said she’s been getting the Dr. reports and has been following my progress. 

I told her that my first surgery was a year ago today (her surgeon did my first surgery) and that her staff saved my life.  She threw her arms around me and gave me a big hug – with tears in her eyes.  So we stood in the ladies’ room and I gave her an update on how I’m feeling, how my hair is growing, etc.  It was amazing that the Lord would allow me to see her and thank her – on the one-year anniversary of my surgery.  I told her I don’t get to see any of my regular doctors anymore and she said, she knew that, that I’m seeing all the big-shot doctors now! :-)  Needless to say, that meeting was a great capstone to a wonderful morning!  It warmed my heart that she was so interested in and excited about my progress.  I have been blessed with wonderful doctors and nurses throughout my treatment. 

If you’re reading this, I know you are one of the many people who has prayed for me during this past eventful year.  I just wanted to write a short note to give you an update and to thank God for His mercy, His healing, and His strength that He gave me to make it through tough times.  Now that I’m back to “normal” (whatever that is!!) it is comforting to know from first-hand experience, that God does give grace as we need it.  He gives us our DAILY bread – not ahead of time and not behind time.  How blessed I am!  What a great God we serve!!

Christmas has a special sparkle to it this year – in fact every day does!  I look forward to closing this year, 2011, and eagerly anticipate 2012!  I hope each of you has a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! 

Praise Report!

I wanted to let you know that I went today for my baseline CT scan.  I wouldn't let my mind dwell on the "what ifs", but they occasionally crept into my mind.  At the same appointment I had my blood drawn.  Two weeks ago my white count had "plummeted" and my platelets were low.  The Dr. said it would probably take months for my blood to get back to normal, but he didn't seem concerned, so I wasn't.

Long story short....the CT scan was normal!!!  And....my white count and platelets are normal!!!  I'm still a bit anemic, but the Dr. said that should go away with time!  I could tell he was surprised.  He said, "For all the trouble we've had with your blood, it's come back up nicely."  I don't have to see him again for 2 months!!  If all is well at that appointment I will be on a 3 month schedule with him!  A year ago I would have "croaked" at the thought of seeing the Dr. every 3 months.  Today, I was so excited that I had to apologize to the Dr. and tell him it wasn't that I hadn't enjoyed seeing him every week! :-)  It's my understanding that the 3 month schedule will last for 2 years.  He said that after 2 years, if "the disease" has not returned, he will take my port out.  That will be another happy day, summer of 2013!!

My energy level is basically back to normal.  I "unfroze" my membership at the health club last week and worked out for about an hour on two days - including 40-45 minutes of slow cardio exercise.  I was so excited!  I could barely keep the tears back.  I told some people I was afraid someone would report that "there's a lady in there crying and she doesn't have any hair."  So I held it together for the sake of the other clients! :-)  But, my heart was praising the Lord the whole time I was there! 

I can't adequatly express my thanks to God and to you.  Someone thanked me the other day for doing the blog.  I told them it was selfish on my part because I wanted people to know how to pray!  And you have prayed and I thank the Lord for you.  Hopefully I won't have any news that will merit writing a post for a long time!  Thank you, thank you - again!  I know God will bless you for your care and concern for me during these last few difficult months! 

The song I woke up with this morning is how I will close this blog for now.  It's the sentiment of my heart tonight:   

"How great is our God!  
Sing with me - how great is our God! 
And all will see - how great, how great is our God.  
He's the name above all names. 
He is worthy of our praise.  
My heart will sing - how great is our God!"

The Week-After Last Chemo

The week after chemo usually follows a pattern.  I feel good while the steroids are in my system, then Thursday and Friday are more "down" days, with Friday being better than Thursday!  Somehow, subconsciously, I had the feeling that after my last treatment I would be "well"!  Well.....it doesn't work that way!  Thursday was among my worst down days!  Not a bad day - just not a good one!  I finally "succumbed" and spent the afternoon mostly in the recliner.  Friday was better and by Saturday I was feeling pretty good again.  But, that whole scenario helped me to realize that it's going to take a while for my body to rebuild itself!  I was getting impatient.

I have been told that my hair will start growing back in 3 months.  I can't expect other things in my body to be back to normal any sooner than that.  So, I'm "chilling out" a little - realizing that if my blood count doesn't bounce back, I really shouldn't panic or be discouraged!

It's a good thing I was feeling better on Saturday because the NO MO CHEMO Re-Birthday party my brother and family had planned was about to begin!  Family started arriving on Friday and by Sunday morning, there were 20 of us!!  Half stayed here at our house and half stayed at my dad's house!  We all went to church together on Sunday morning.  I could barely contain myself.  I couldn't have been prouder or more grateful!  We sang a song on Sunday morning that I may have quoted to you before, but at the risk of being redundant I will repeat the words.  They were so appropriate for the first Sunday after I finished chemotherapy - with my family all sitting together in church.

Through the love of God, our Savior, All will be well.
Free and changeless is His favor, All is well.
Precious is the blood that healed us,
Perfect is the grace that sealed us,
Strong the hand stretched forth to shield us, All must be well.


Though we pass through tribulation, All will be well.
'Cause it's such a full salvation, All is well.
Happy still in God confiding,
Fruitful if in Christ abiding,
Steadfast through the Spirit's guiding,
All must be well.


We expect a bright tomorrow, All will be well.
We can sing through days of sorrow, All is well.
On our Father's love relying,
Jesus every need supplying,
Yes, in living or in dying, All must be well.

The title of the song is "All Must Be Well" and can be downloaded from iTunes.  It's probably my all-time favorite song - and the words are so true! I've found out in my own life - that even in "tribulation", all is well.

After church on Sunday, party preparations took place in earnest and at 1:00 the guests began to arrive.  It was a wonderful time!!  We had between 55 and 60 people here during the afternoon.  I enjoyed every minute!  It was amazing to be able to celebrate with so many friends.  And each one seemed to be as happy for the occasion as I was!  Thank you, all of my friends, for celebrating this milestone in my life with me!  Many of you who couldn't be here in person have communicated that you were here in spirit!  The weather was warm, but not oppressive.  But...the clouds rolled in and the rain "rolled us inside".  However, the party wasn't dampened and we had a wonderful day!  By the time the last family left, this body could tell it still had some recovering to do!  I was glad to tumble into bed and thanked God for a wonderful day, a comfortable bed, and a bright tomorrow!! Click here for pictures of the NO MO CHEMO party.

Today is Wednesday.  Yesterday I had my blood drawn.  The Dr. said last week he would call if anything was wrong.  He hasn't called.  I'm assuming he won't!!  Praise the Lord!  My blood must be okay so far!  To celebrate my first Tuesday without a Dr. appointment and chemo, Steve and I ran to St. Louis.  We didn't do anything too tiring, but did eat at one of our favorite lunch places and of course, hit Ted Drewes for frozen custard before we came back home.  I was happily surprised at my level of tiredness, which was not excessive!  I think my body enjoyed a Tuesday without being "zapped"!

And to further celebrate not being full of chemicals, I spent this morning at MU, helping score Master's comps presentations!  I was so excited!  (Who would have thought?)  I couldn't believe I was really "back in the saddle" after so many months.  My heart was, and is full of praise to the Lord, for His blessings and His mercy to me!

Thanks again for your interest, your support and your prayers during this journey.  Although the journey isn't complete, I'm hoping the most 'uphill" part is over.  I will keep you posted!

It Is Finished!!!

Receiving my Purple Heart certificate!

My last chemo treatment is finished!  What a wonderful day!  About 30 minutes before I was finished, Steve and I were sitting in the chemo lab reading, when in walked my dad, and nephews, Grant and Graham!    We were visiting with them, when a few minutes later my brother, Gary and sister-in-law, Sheila walked in. About 5 minutes before my treatment was finished, G.B. and Shara walked in!!  We had quite a crowd in the lab for "the last drop"!  When the nurse came to unhook me, she brought me a certificate, signed by the nurses and Dr.!  I finished with a cheering section!  And I am finished!  I can't say it any better than with the Psalmist, who said, "I will bless the Lord at all times, His praise shall continually be in my mouth." (Psalm 34:1)

Shara and me doing the NO MO CHEMO dance!

My counts were improved.  The Dr. said it is "worrisome" that my bones haven't produced blood cells like he had hoped they would, which could indicate that it might take me longer to recover from the chemo.  So, I still need prayer for my bones.  He will check my blood weekly at first to monitor my counts.

Steve asked the Dr. the risk of the cancer coming back.  He said there is a 10% chance it would reoccur within the next 5 years.  I'm counting on the 90%.  But, they will do surveillance for five years to watch for any reoccurrence.

I plan to post an update next week, but after that will only keep you posted if there are any development of interest.  I will definitely update if I need people to pray.  As I've said before, your prayers have been the key to my surviving this ordeal.

You, my friends, have been an immeasurable source of support during the past months.  I cannot begin to enumerate the ways that support has been demonstrated, but I will give you a sample of what I have received – from you! 

Beginning with prayers.  Not only have you prayed individually, but many of you have shared with me that you have put my name on your church prayer chain, given my name to an intercessory prayer group, had my name said in special healing masses, etc.  I spoke Sunday to a former parent in one of the schools where I was principal in STL.  She said she is up at 3:00 or 4:00 in the morning, interceding for people who have needs and that my name is on her list.  Your prayers have made the difference for me.  Thank you, thank you!!  And thank you, Lord, for hearing our prayers!

Cards.  Very few days have gone by that I have not received at least one card and many days there were several in the mail.  What an encouragement your words and thoughtfulness have been!  I have the cards all saved in a box!  I’m not sure when I will be able to part with them.  They really mean a lot to me!  Thank you!

Gifts and food!  My goodness!  It was so much fun to get gifts in the mail, have them delivered at the door, or brought in person!  I will never remember to mention each one, but I’ll give you an overview of what I’ve enjoyed.  A hand-crafted cross that is sculpted to fit my hand – to hold when I’m frightened (occasionally I’ve put it down! J), homemade chicken noodle soup (when I could barely eat anything else), homemade cookies, homemade muffins, homemade cinnamon rolls, homemade banana cake with cream cheese icing (some of these were specified as being  for the purpose of helping me gain weight!), edible fruit bouquet, a cookie bouquet, homemade matzo ball soup and gefilta fish (Kosher at Passover time from my best Jewish friend, and my stomach loved it!), hats, caps, chemo head wraps, pajamas, socks, ice cream treats, Ted Drewes….I think I’ve thanked each one of you individually, but thank you again to all of you who brought or sent “things” to cheer me up.  Since my stomach has stayed “mad” most of the time during the past months, each new thing to try was a treat.

Visits, calls, emails, text messages, Facebook messages!  There’s no way to express how much it meant to know you were thinking of me.  Thanks for taking the time to let me know.  My aunt and uncle traveled here from Springfield, MO three different times during the past six months – just to be here, to help, or to cheer me up!  And your communication with me has meant just as much.  Thank you, thank you!

I am overwhelmed, humbled, and eternally grateful to you for reading this blog, for staying in touch and providing support in whatever way you have been able.  My journey is not over, as you know.  There will be lots of check-ups.  And I will let you know how I'm doing.

Today's song that was in my mind when I awakened was an old one by Bill and Gloria Gaither.  The words are as follows:

We are so blessed, By the gifts from your hand.

I just can't understand why you loved us so much

We are so blessed, We just can't find a way, or the words that can say,

Thank you, Lord, for your touch.

Yesterday, Psalm 103: 1-3 was brought to my mind.  I've memorized it as a little girl, read it many times, but yesterday when I read it, it expressed my feelings so perfectly:

Bless the Lord, O my soul, and all that is within me, bless his holy name!

Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits,

who forgives all your iniquity, who heals all your diseases.....

AMEN!

If you are in town this coming Sunday, July 3, come on over.  If I've forgotten to invite someone, invite them and come on over to our house for the NO MO CHEMO Re-birthday party!  Food will be ready at 1:00 and we will be on the patio and/or in the downstairs if it's too hot.  Here's a picture of part of the group who will be there!

Outside the medical building

If you are interested, there are a couple more pictures at https://picasaweb.google.com/cjc2751

Transfusion - Finished!

I thought I would add a short update following my transfusion. All went well. Many of you know I'm not a good pill taker. So the worst part of the day was having to take 2 pills as precaution against an allergic reaction to the blood. :-)  I knew the pills were part of the orders so I took my own "props" - orange juice and a banana. I got the pills down and the rest of the day was easy after that! :).

The blood was red. I had hoped for blue. But I guess it wasn't a match. That was humbling. :-)  The most exciting part of the day was when the nurse was unhooking me, she forgot to clamp off the tube to my port so I was baptized in blood.  I don't know if it was my blood or the "other person's", but it was all red!  So my first task when I got home was to do laundry!  But all is well! 

Thanks for your prayers and concern.  I do have pink skin now and color in my cheeks!  Amazing!  The life is definitely in the blood!

Transfusion Time!

Well, just about the time I think I have the "final lap" planned, it gets changed!  But it's not all bad news!  I was able to get my chemo treatment today so I am on schedule!!!!  I am so thankful for that!  But because my hemoglobin had dropped and was getting close to the "magic number",  they thought I should schedule myself for a transfusion.  Also, my blood pressure continues to be marginal even though I drink water like a camel!

So, we went straight from chemo to the outpatient oncology lab at the hospital for them to "type and cross" my blood.  The chemo lab left my port "accessed" so the hospital could use my port to draw blood.  Then when I go in to the hospital tomorrow for the units of blood, all they have to do is hook me up and get going.  I won't have to wait for them to access my port.  (I know, I sound like I know what I'm talking about but it's all new to me.  I just nod my head and give approval as they make logistical suggestions!)

So, when I thought all my new adventures were over, here's a new one.  I've never had a transfusion before.  Apparently it's a slow process - 2 1/2 - 3 hours for each unit and I'm getting two units.  So I will be "in the chair" for 5-6 hours tomorrow.  I'm thinking I may sleep some of it away.  On the other hand, I may start feeling so energetic that they will have to tie me in the chair! :-)  The nurse at the hospital said they get to see the color return to peoples' cheeks and skin - often while they are in the chair.  So, I'm hoping I come out of there looking ten years younger and with the energy of a 20 year old!  Steve is thinking maybe he wants one too so he will be able to keep up with me. :-)

As far as the chemo treatments go - last week's was a hard one.  I didn't bounce back very fast and "dragged my tail" around most of the week.  But like I've said before, my bad days are better than some peoples' best days, so I'm not complaining.  I lost weight because I couldn't seem to get much food down.  However, one of my Truman State University Board colleagues brought me Ted Drewes to our meeting in Kirksville on Saturday.  That stopped the weight loss slide real fast!!  Praise the Lord for emergency measures! :-)

Today's treatment went well.  I still have steroids and anti-nausea medicine in my system so I'm feeling pretty good.  I'm hoping that as they wear off, I won't feel as puny as I did last week.  I'm sure the new blood will help too!

I am so grateful to still be on schedule with my treatments!  The Dr. said today that he will see me next week for my "graduation treatment"!!!  YAY!!!!  I told him that sounded good to me!!  Praise the Lord for His peace, courage, strength, and mercy to me during these last 6 months.  I know I will need more in the future, but I also know that "His grace is sufficient" (II Corinthians 12:9) and I'm counting on that.  I've had first-hand experience with His grace through these difficult days.

As I sat there today and looked around the lab, I noticed again, the many spouses who were there, supporting their loved one.  So, let me say again, that I thank the Lord for giving me Steve, who has proved his commitment to be with me in sickness and in health.  He has slept by my bed in the hospital, walked with me in the hospital hallways, walked with me in the neighborhood, dropped me off at the door when I couldn't walk very far, brought me ice cream every night :-), been at every chemo treatment and Dr. appointment, told me how good I look when I know I don't, calls my"ugly" scars"tattoos" and is impressed with how much we paid for them!, ad infinitum......  Friday will be our 22nd wedding anniversary and we hope to be able to actually celebrate!  He is definitely a gift from God!

I want to also mention the support I've received from my family. My dad has "always been there" asking what he could do to help. He came over during chemo a couple of times, but mostly just knowing he was there, providing moral support and praying were the best things he could and did do. My brother and sister-in-law and family have made numerous trips to be here for family events when they knew I couldn't make the trip to their house to celebrate.  They surprised us to celebrate my 60th birthday even though I wasn't able to be very celebratory and drove here and back to Cedar Falls, IA in one day to do it. The necklace they brought for a gift is one that illustrates their love and I will wear it with pride forever.  My nieces and nephews have faithfully sent texts, called, and prayed for me.  Steve's daughter-in-law, Norma, has sent an email every Tuesday morning to encourage me and "coach" me!  And during chemo each week I've received text messages faithfully from my aunt, Mary Lou Sams, and my cousin, Carolyn Coffman. And these are just examples of my family's support.  Friends' support will be part of next week's blog! :-)

I don't have a song to share.  The song that was in my mind when I woke up this morning was an advertisement for a pest control company here in town. :-)  How spiritual is that?  The only connection I could make is that the stuff they use and the stuff they put in my body are probably somewhat similar! :-)  It did make me chuckle, I have to admit.

I will close, though, with a quote from a book I am reading, Choosing to SEE: A Journey of Struggle and Hope, by Mary Beth Chapman.  She quotes Philip Yancey: "A person who lives in faith must proceed on incomplete evidence, trusting in advance what will only make sense in reverse."  That resonated with me.  Some things in life make no sense to us in advance.  And some things don't even make sense in reverse - not in this life.  But, by faith we know that "in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." (Romans 8:28)  That gives us the courage to take that next step of faith.

I am eagerly looking forward to being finished with my GRADUATION TREATMENT next week!  My heart is overwhelmed with praise to the One who has helped me get to this point!  And as always, thanks to you for your interest, your love, and your support!  And thanks for reading this! :-)

Cycle #6 HAS BEGUN!!!

The day is winding down and my last big chemo is FINISHED!!!  Praise the Lord!!!  My hemoglobin had gone up slightly.  All my other counts were good.  After the Dr. examined me he said, "Let's go do some chemo!"  Usually I feel shaky and a bit "woozy" as the chemo starts, but today that was minimal.

Went to lunch after chemo - took our own picture!

My niece, Shaelyn, is in town for a few days so she and my dad came over once the chemo got started.  Steve ran some errands.  So we had a regular chemo party!  That's probably why I didn't notice the side effects!  I was having too much fun. :-)

I came home and rested for an hour.  I could have slept the rest of the day, but I've learned that I need to move around and drink lots of fluids to keep the chemo moving right on out of my system.  I've been outside watching Steve prune trees while I guzzle Gatorade.

As I visited with my fellow chemo-takers today, once again all I could do was praise God for his mercy to me.  I am not deserving of the goodness He has bestowed on me.  One man has lung cancer in both lungs and was on oxygen as he got his first treatment.  Another man has colo-rectal cancer and prostate cancer.  The man beside me has pancreatic cancer and spots on his liver.  His wife had 2 aneurysms 6 years ago, is an invalid, and he cares for her at home.  He was so weak they had to put him in a wheelchair to go for a chest x-ray.  He said he's worried that he will wear out the people he has helping his wife because he can't help - then they will quit.  I felt so sorry for him.  I was drawn again to Ephesians 1:11-12, where it says He...."works all things according to the counsel of his will, so that we who were the first to hope in Christ might be to the praise of his glory.".  I'm no better than any of these other people.  For some reason, God, in his wisdom, has chosen to bless me beyond what I deserve.  And I want the praise to be of His glory.

Our small group is beginning a new study of the book by James Macdonald, Gripped By the Greatness of God.  The first chapter is on the holiness of God and how Isaiah saw (Isaiah 6:1-7) the Lord "sitting on a throne".  James Macdonald says, "Sitting - not pacing back and forth.  Sitting - not wringing His hands.  Sitting - not struggling or searching.  Not God.  Where was He?  He was seated.  He was settled.  He was secure.  He was certain."  The he said he wrote in the margin of his Bible, "'Why so settled and so seated?'  The answer is:  because He is in control.  He knows it.  Everyone in the throne room knows it.  No one is worried." 

Later Macdonald says, "Wow, that sure puts into perspective any burden I carry on my heart.  How difficult could this problem be for God, no matter how monstrous it might seem to me?  What problem would seem large to the One who is sitting on a throne?  My problems are nothing to Him.  He is in control......The Lord is sitting on His throne."

To top this all off, we sang a song in church Sunday that I don't remember singing before.  I'll share some of the words with you to conclude:

Who has given counsel to the Lord?
Who can question any of His words?
Who can teach the One who knows all things?
Who can fathom all his wondrous deeds?
Behold our God, seated on His throne.
Come let us adore Him.

You can download the song from iTunes.  It's "Behold Our God" from the album "Reign" by Sovereign Grace Music.  It's a beautiful tune with wonderful lyrics!  We have a great God.  All we have to do is let Him "do His thing" and it will all be good!

Thanks for your prayers again for today's treatment - my last big one!!! (in case I hadn't mentioned it before! :-))  I will appreciate your prayers for the next two treatments that my blood will stay "on the fence" or be on the good side of the fence.  I am getting very optimistic that I can squeeze by without a transfusion.  It's hard to believe that if the Lord wills, two weeks from today this will all be over!!  You have walked with me through this very long valley.  Your prayer support and emotional support have made it possible for me to stumble through!  And I'm almost at the finish line!  Thank you!! 

Ready for Cycle #6!!!.....

....and Cycle # 6 is the last one - in case I hadn't mentioned that several times before!

Today was the first time since February 15, I hadn't seen the Dr. on Tuesday!!  No wonder he had to go on vacation!!  He's been SO careful to monitor every little cell in my blood.  He's just outstanding!  Today my hemoglobin had dropped a bit more and was low enough that the nurse in the chemo lab wouldn't give me chemo until she contacted the Dr.!  Those nurses!!  They really want to give me a transfusion!  It's very comforting!  They are definitely looking out for me!

Each week for three weeks, a different nurse has been my chemo nurse and each one has looked at my lab results, then talked to me to find out just how tired I really am.  The nurse today said, "You don't look like your hemoglobin is that low!"  So I told her the new Lancome make-up is working! :-)  She said that's not all they look at, so I assumed she was looking at my fingernails which are hot pink!  Great blood flow there!

Anyway, the Dr. gave permission for chemo.  I was so glad!  As the nurse "unhooked me", she told me, like each nurse for the past two weeks, to be sure to call if I feel too tired.  She said, "When you get that make-up off and look in the mirror, and if you're huffing and puffing, you call."  I only huff and puff when I climb stairs, walk up a hill, or walk fast!  Yesterday I played two games of pickleball in the sun and did fine.  When my knees start shaking I know it's time to quit!

So, please continue to pray for my bones.  Next week will be my next (and last) "big treatment".  The one drug I will get is the one that's especially hard on the red blood cells.  So, if I can scoot through next week and the week after, surely, I will make it without a transfusion!  I really don't want "the schedule" disrupted!  We're so close to being finished!

One of our friends in Omaha sent Steve a Scripture this morning.  It is Isaiah 58: 10-12.  Verse 11 was especially meaningful to me because it mentioned bones!  In "The Message" verses 10 & 11 read, "If you are generous with the hungry and start giving yourselves to the down-and-out, Your lives will begin to glow in the darkness, your shadowed lives will be bathed in sunlight.  I will always show you where to go.  I'll give you a full life in the emptiest of places - firm muscles, strong bones.  You'll be like a well-watered garden, a gurgling spring that never runs dry."  Until I started these treatments, I hadn't paid attention to how many times bones are mentioned in the Bible. It encourages me to know that bones are important to the Lord, so I know He's watching out for mine!

My sister-in-law's mother went to be with the Lord on Friday.  I saw on Facebook today the video clip of my brother, sister-in-law, and her sister singing at the funeral.  They sang one of my favorite "old" songs....

He giveth more grace when the burdens grow greater,
He sendeth more strength when the labors increase.
To added affliction, He addeth His mercy,
To multiplied trials His multiplied peace.


His love hath no limit, His grace hath no measure,
His power hath no boundary known unto men,
For out of His infinite riches in Jesus, 
He giveth, and giveth, and giveth again.....

Those words resonate with my spirit in a new way because after going through the events of the past few months, I know first-hand that He does give grace again and again.  He has done it for every surgery, every procedure, and on every Tuesday since February 15.....and on all the days in between when I thought I would (or did)  melt down!  It's comforting to know that grace and strength will continue to be with me in the days and years ahead!

Thanks for your prayers that these next three weeks will proceed with no complications - that I won't "huff and puff" and that I'll have lots of red blood cells!  If you're in town on July 3, come over and help us celebrate!  God is good - all the time - even in the "bad times"!

Cycle #5 - 2/3 gone!

Today's treatment is finished!! The Dr said we continue to "scoot by" with my blood counts. Last week's treatment was an especially hard one for platelets and red cells. Today my platelets were fine and my hemoglobin was down only .2!!! Praise be to God! One of my friends said she chuckles every week when my counts squeeze by! She said the Dr. doesn't know how many people are bombarding heaven for my blood count! I say a resounding "Amen" to that!

Graham Benton McClanahan

Last week was a bit difficult, but still, nothing to complain about!  And I was able to go to Cedar Falls, IA for the weekend for  my "baby nephew", Graham McClanahan's high school graduation! In February when I saw the calendar for my chemo, I "just knew" I would have to miss Graham's graduation! But again, God was gracious and allowed me to be there. I am so grateful!  (I'm pausing to share a picture of our handsome high school graduate!)

Today the Dr. paused when he heard that last week was tough. He said he wasn't surprised and he said he was sorry. When he paused, I said, "You're sorry you're doing this to me?".  He laughed and said "Yes, but it's for a good cause!". He's still edging the doses up and going in for a "win" at the end. That's okay with me. I just don't have much steam.  That's because of the low hemoglobin. I think I may make it without a transfusion.  Keep helping me pray for that.   But, in the meantime I'm puny-looking and sometimes huff and puff - both of which hurt my pride! :). I did go buy some new make-up after chemo today. It's supposed to give me a glow! Maybe it will get me through June!

It seems like each time I go for chemo I need a new dose of courage and strength. Today I felt especially weak. So before we left for the clinic I wanted to take time to read today's scripture in my "Handbook for Prayer". When I read two of the verses, I was amazed.  Old verses for today's need!

I will not fear, for You are with me;
I will not be dismayed, for You are my God.
You will strengthen me and help me;
You will uphold me with Your righteous right hand.
For You are the Lord my God, who takes hold of my right hand
And says to me, "Do not fear; I will help you." (Isaiah 41:10, 13)


I call this to mind,
And therefore I have hope; 
The Lord's mercies never cease,
For His compassions never fail,
They are new every morning; 
Great is Your faithfulness (Lamentations 3:21-23)

Once again, I had the courage and strength to go get "soaked in chemicals" and it went well.  I am thankful for the great Dr. the Lord has given me.  The nurses are so pleasant and compassionate.  (They want to make sure I know to call if I run out of energy so they can get me scheduled for a transfusion.  They think I look pale!)  The facilities couldn't be nicer.  I am truly blessed.  And I am blessed by your continued prayer and support.  With God's help I will get these next 4 treatments under my belt (my very small belt, I might add - for my jealous girlfriends!)  Four weeks still seems like a long time, but when I look back - four weeks looks "doable"!  There's light at the end of the tunnel.  Continue to pray that my blood counts hold steady for the next month!

Next week I will have another single-dose treatment.  Then the week after that will kick off Cycle Six with my last "big treatment"!!  Woo Hoo!!  Final treatment is scheduled for June 28!!!!  I am praying that God will see fit to allow these plans to be done as scheduled!

Cycle Five - 1/3 gone!!!

There's not a lot to share with you tonight!  Today was a "big treatment" as I call them.  The Dr. calls it a "hard treatment".  My term seems less intimidating in my mind as they plug me in and start the drugs!

The day was fairly "routine"!!  How nice to use that word - "routine"!  My counts are holding steady.  My weight is the same - I forgot what I weighed last week, but I think I may have even gained a pound or two.  Who would have thought I'd be rejoicing over that???  My red count remains low, but "acceptable" I guess. The drug I got today as part of the "big treatment" is especially hard on red cells.  I do have 3 weeks between doses of that drug, but by getting the other drug weekly, my bones are having a difficult time not falling behind in their work! :-)

I really don't feel that "bad".  The nurse said that because the count drops slowly, sometimes patients don't notice the difference in their energy level.  Today, the Dr. wasn't as definite about getting a transfusion.  He said we will just monitor how my levels are doing.  The nurse in the infusion center, however, told me that if I "hit the wall" during the week, to call and they will schedule me for a transfusion.  And she thought I could do that without altering my treatment schedule.  That would make me happy.  I'm really watching for that June 28 last treatment to arrive!!  I would be sad to move that into July!

People weren't very talkative today so basically I went in, went through the "paces" to earn my place in the chemo room, then read for the couple of hours during the treatment (and ate snacks!).  Steve, my faithful chauffeur, attendant, bodyguard, "sugar daddy" :-), ad infinitum, stayed until drugs were dripping properly, then ran errands for a while.  Overall, it was just an uneventful day.  Praise the Lord - that's an answer to prayer!!! 

This afternoon and evening I am feeling really well - a little shaky, but well.  Of course, I still have steroids in my body, so I'm feeling no pain!   I have this "philosophy" which probably has no basis in medicine.  But, for 24 hours, until the chemo is out of my system, I drink lots of fluids, try to walk around periodically, and plan to take a mile walk when I first get up tomorrow morning.  In my mind, it "cleanses my system".  I don't know if that's in reality, but it sure makes me feel better!  I'm always a bit relieved when 24 hours are gone and all I have to do is try to recoup for the next treatment, sans drugs in my body!

For an uneventful day, I have said too much!  I will end by sharing the song that was in my mind when I awoke this morning!  It was not the usual message of comfort or strength the Lord has given on chemo days, but was more a message of purpose.  I consider it instructive for today and the days to follow as I interact with people who I would never have met without this "crisis' in my life.  The title of the song is "Daystar".  I downloaded it from iTunes - sung by Jason Crabb.  Parts of the song lyrics follow:

Lily of the Valley, let your sweet aroma fill my life.
Rose of Sharon, show me how to grow in beauty in God's sight.
Fairest of ten thousand, make me a reflection of your light.
Daystar, shine down on me, let Your love shine through me in the night.


Lead me Lord, I'll follow.  Anywhere you open up the door.
Let your word speak to me, show me what I've never seen before.
Lord, I want to be your witness, you can take what's wrong and make it right.
Daystar, shine down on me, let your love shine through me in the night.

What a beautiful song!  I hadn't thought of it in many months or even years.


As for treatment logistics - today I got 1/3 of Cycle Five finished!  I will have two one-drug treatments the next two weeks, then I will have the LAST "hard treatment" - the beginning of Cycle Six.  (I get teary-eyed just typing those words.)  I really don't get more brave or nonchalant about my treatments as time goes by.  Each Monday evening and Tuesday are tough days.  Then I "get to" give myself shots in the interim between treatments.  It will be a great day when I can see all of that "in the past tense"!  Thank you so much for your prayers.  I know 18 weeks is a long time to pray for someone, but I know some of you are praying every day.  "...the joy of the Lord is my strength."(Nehemiah 8:10) - otherwise I would be in the fetal position under the bed!:-)  Thank you for your love and support!

Cycle #4 - FINISHED!!

I will quickly tell you that all my counts were up today!!  Thank God for healing my bones!!!  The nurse said my counts were "superb"!  The Dr. said it seems we are "in a pattern".  So we're still going!

Last week the Dr. said he was going to "nudge" my doses up as long as my counts could tolerate it.  Today I told him that last week's treatment "zapped" me for a while.  He told me that last week he increased my dose from 66% to 75% so that would explain how I felt.  He said he is going to continue to do that as we go in for the last two cycles.  So, I may not be "kicking so high" for these last 41.74 days (that count is according to the count down app on my phone! :-))  The Dr. also almost promised me that he will give me one unit of blood before we're finished. Last week he had said one or two, so one sounds better to me!  Those of you who have had transfusions know first- hand what I've been told, and that is that after a transfusion the patient feels really good!  So, maybe having a transfusion won't be all bad! (Steve said he heard they're going to use monkey blood.  Maybe I would at least have some hair after that!!)

If my counts continue to be good, next week will begin Cycle #5 with my next-to-last big two-drug treatment.  So, I will appreciate your prayers as I start Cycle 5.  I always dread those treatments more than the ones in between.

The last thing I want to share with you is the song that was the first thing in my mind when I awakened this morning. The title is "His Strength is Perfect".  The rendition I have is by CeCe Winans if you want to listen to it on iTunes. Some of the words are as follows:
v.2
   We can only know, the power that He holds,
   When we truly see how deep our weakness goes.
   His strength in us begin, when ours comes to an end.
   He hears our humble cry and proves again.....
Chorus
   His strength is perfect, when our strength is gone.
   He'll carry us when we can't carry on.
   Raised in His power, the weak become strong.
   His strength is perfect!  His strength is perfect! 

I played this for Steve as we were on our way to chemo.  What wonderful words to think on as I went through the treatment process this morning!

Last night I told Steve it will be so nice when I can go to bed on a Monday night and not dread Tuesday morning.  I've been dreading Tuesdays now for a long time.  But as soon as I say something like that, I have to start listing the things for which I am thankful.  And that list goes on and on.  Even my worst days are so much better than I thought they might be.  And my worst days are so much better than many peoples' best days.  God is so merciful and gracious to me.  I realize that the way my treatments have gone is specifically in answer to all the prayers that have been and are being prayed for me.  And I want my blessings to be "to the praise of his glory" (Ephesians 1:12) I don't deserve them and I am so thankful for all of those blessings - which include my friends who are praying and supporting me!  Thanks!

Onward and Upward

"Onward and upward" is what my Dr. says after he's examined me, questioned me, and evaluated my blood counts!  (That's on the days I "pass"!)  And I passed today!  Thanks for your prayers!

My platelets and red count are getting lower.  The nurse reminded me that I don't have any "to give away" and I assured her I hadn't been!  The Dr. and nurse both talked about a transfusion.  So that may be part of my future adventures on this journey.  I think they are preparing me for the eventuality!  I hope I can escape that treatment but, as the Dr. said, "It's not the end of the world."

The low red count/hemoglobin will eventually make me tired.  Right now I still have an amazing amount of energy, although I do get winded when I do some "normal" things.  So the nurse said when I get "too pooped to go", they'll probably do a transfusion. 

Today's treatment zapped me.  I expected that to happen last week and it didn't.  Who knew?!  I feel like I've been soaked in chemicals and I had to "sleep off my drunk" when I got home.  But I'm up moving around again.  I don't want that stuff to "pool in my veins"!!  (I know that's not very medical or scientific, but that's how I feel!:-)))  I watered my herb garden and walked around outside a little.  Tomorrow I hope to be back on my daily "regimen".  The nurse suggested that instead of drinking so much water, that I drink more things with nourishment in them so I'm getting ready to make a bunch of limeade.  I'm so excited!  That will make drinking much more fun!  (I know, who said drinking wasn't fun?) :-)  My weight was down a little this week so along with drinking more nourishment, I'm supposing it would also be advisable to eat more ice cream.  (That's my own prescription!)

Today's song that was going through my mind when I woke up is one we sang in church on Sunday.  I may have mentioned it before, but it is relevant again today, and it is "today's song"!  I'll share part of it.  The title is "All Must Be Well"  On iTunes it's sung by Matthew Smith on Incredible Grace Music if you want to download it.  I thank God for putting it in my mind while I was asleep last night.  What a wonderful truth upon which to meditate as I awakened this morning!  The 2nd and 3rd verses go as follows:

Though we pass through tribulation, All will be well.
Cause it's such a full salvation, All is well.
Happy still in God confiding, 
Fruitful if in Christ abiding,
Steadfast through the Spirit's guiding, All must be well.

We expect a bright tomorrow, All will be well.
Faith can sing through days of sorrow, All is well.
On our Father's love relying,
Jesus every need supplying,
Yes, in living or in dying, All must be well!

I am confident that all is well and all will be well!  One last thought.  I seriously laughed out loud during my devotions one morning last week.  The verse that was part of the reading for that day was Psalm 6:2, "O Lord, heal me, for my bones are in distress."  I couldn't believe it!  It was so relevant! Straight to my heart (or bones!)  That verse has now become my prayer and I wasn't surprised when my counts were "okay" this morning!  I will appreciate your continued prayers that the Lord will heal my bones and that they will make all the blood they should be making!

Seven more treatments!  Two more cycles!!  Thanks for hanging in there with me on this journey!  God is so good - all the time!  He is the One to be praised for the strength He provides to me each day!

Cycle Four - Only Two More.....

....two more cycles, that is!  That means only two more "big treatments" with six one-drug treatments sandwiched in between!  That's a total of eight more!

Today's treatment felt to me like it went better than any of the other ones.  I basically had no "symptoms" during the treatment.  Sometimes I have had a bad taste (chemical) in my mouth during treatment or occasionally I have felt a little dizzy when they gave me my premeds.  Nothing bad, but it was just nice to feel so "normal" during the treatment today.

My blood counts are hanging in there.  With the injections I'm getting, my white count remains high.  Platelets and red count are on the low side, but okay.  The Dr. increased the dosage back up some today, so he'll see how that impacts my counts next week.  Between now and next Tuesday if you want to know how to pray, you can pray for my platelets and my red count! :-)

Almost every time I tell another woman about my diagnosis, she wants to know about my symptoms and how I knew to go in to the Dr. when I had just had my annual check-up that had come back normal.  I have spoken to many women who have an uneasiness about the possibility they could have or will have ovarian cancer.  Today I visited with a lady who was in the chemotherapy room with another patient.  She is a retired teacher, so we were "soul sisters" right away. She wanted to know why I was there (only a teacher would ask!), then wanted to know how I knew I had ovarian cancer.  She then asked if I had been real sick with the chemotherapy.  I had the opportunity in telling her both stories, that God's hand has been so obvious throughout this experience.  She gestured with her hands, and made a "covering".  She said, "It sounds like you are just surrounded!"  I told her that I was surrounded by prayer and that it had made, and is making all the difference in my treatment.  She said she believed that too and seemed encouraged by my story! 

Shara and G.B. McClanahan

When I knew I would be this far into my treatment on April 30, I resigned myself to the fact that I probably wouldn't be able to attend the graduation of my niece and nephew in Indiana on that date.  As you know, April 30 was this past Saturday.  I praise the Lord that I was able to be there for all of the festivities!!!  What a miracle!  I was praising Him all week-end, for every event I got to attend.  And if I had to leave a little early to rest or to get the right food in my stomach ;-), I was just thankful I was there!  I took all my "paraphernalia" and gave myself the injections so my treatment didn't "miss a beat"!  What a wonderful blessing and a great weekend!

At the Baccalaureate service Friday evening, the congregation sang the "Revelation Song".  I was moved to tears as I heard the crowd of about 2000 singing,

Worthy is the Lamb, Who was slain, Holy, Holy is He.  
Sing a new song, to Him Who sits on, heaven's Mercy Seat.

Clothed in rainbows, of living color, flashes of lightning, rolls of thunder.
Blessing and honor strength and, glory and power be, to you the only wise King.

Filled with wonder, awestruck wonder, at the mention of Your name, 
Jesus, Your name is Power. Breath and Living Water, such a marvelous mystery.
 
Holy, Holy, Holy, is the Lord God almighty, 
Who was and is, and is to come. 
With all creation I sing, Praise to the King of Kings, 
You are my everything and I will adore You....

If there's one thing I've learned during these past few months, it is that we do not control one minute or any event of any day.  "Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change." (James 1:17)  God is in control, even when we live with the illusion that we are!  And every breath is a gift.  Every day is a gift.  Undeserved gifts!  I'm thankful that He is trustworthy and I can rest in knowing that He doesn't vary or change!  We can't say that about anything else in this world!  So, I had to stand with the 2000 people and sing from the bottom of my soul, "With all creation I sing, Praise to the King of Kings......"  Whew!  I'm getting teary-eyed now.  Time to quit!

Thanks again to everyone for your support, prayers, cards, text messages, phone calls, ad infinitum....  Today I received a card signed by seventeen men in South Carolina, an Intercessory Prayer Group.  I don't know sixteen of the seventeen, but they are praying for me.  I am humbled and honored by the support of so many people!

Cycle Three is Historeeeeeeee!!

I have now had three treatments in a row with no breaks!  Praise the Lord!  My counts were all good again today.  I am doing four injections a week to keep my white count up.  The insurance approved us to give those at home. Last week the nurse taught me how to do it and I'm giving the injections to myself.  I have to say I am so impressed with myself! :-)  I only wish Mother were here.  She wouldn't believe it until she saw it and she would be impressed as well!

The Dr. said I am starting a build-up of mild anemia which he expects might become "unmild"! :-)  If that happens he will give me a transfusion of red blood cells - which he said "is not the end of the world".  He said they often give an injection to boost red blood cells but in "projects where the goal is to cure", they give red blood cells.  I guess I'm a project! :-)  And I'm so grateful the goal is to cure.  Steve asked him about that statement.  He explained that some types of chemo (my type) might be compromised by the introduction of the injections to boost red blood cells. Once again I thank God for His mercy to me, that this tumor was found at such an early stage that a cure is expected.

I have ample opportunity to see people who are dealing with advanced cancer or who have complications from the chemo.  As I was waiting to see the Dr. I sat in the waiting room with two different men who were practically groaning every time they moved.  It was heart-wrenching.   Then today a lady had a reaction to the drugs while we were getting chemo.  All "hands were on deck" to give her what she needed to counteract the reaction. Very scary.  I am so blessed and I remember that every day  

I'll share a couple of things the Lord provided for me this morning as I was preparing to go for chemo.  When I awakened I had an email from one of my childhood friends.  She was sharing the devotional she had read this morning. (She obviously gets up earlier than I do!)  She said she thought of me when she read it, then she remembered it was Tuesday, so decided to share it with me.  The devotional said, if we did God-centered thinking..."we'd see our suffering differently. 'My pain proves God's absence' would be replaced with 'My pain expands God's purpose'".  Then she referenced Ephesians 1:11&12 "...having been predestined according to His purpose who works all things after the counsel of His will, to the end that we who were the first to hope in Christ would be to the praise of His glory."  What a wonderful way to approach this day - and every day - knowing God is sovereign and my purpose is to bring praise to Him!  I pray that I will be more consistent in that daily approach!

About an hour before my chemo appointment,  the phone rang.  I saw from the I.D. that it was a business acquaintance who is also a  friend, from St. Louis.  When he calls he calls to talk to Steve so I let the phone ring, thinking Steve would answer.  I didn't know he had gone outside so I grabbed the phone at the last minute.  Our friend was shocked that I answered.  He said of all the times he's called, this is the first time I've answered!  It was providential.  God wanted me to talk to him I'm sure!  He said he was just calling to see how I was doing and to let me know that he prays for me every morning!  Wow!  That was a huge encouragement!  He usually calls to let Steve know that he has a deal that Steve can't pass up! :-)  Today his call was just on time - to remind me of the many prayers that are being lifted to the Throne of God on my behalf.  Once again, I went to chemo encouraged and strengthened!

The email and the phone call didn't come yesterday.  They came today - just when I needed them!  God takes such good care of me and I am grateful!

If all continues to go well, next Tuesday (May 3) will begin Cycle Four.  I'm so grateful that we've had no delays recently.  The same God Who has helped me through these three cycles will help me through the last three!!! (My iPhone app countdown says "8 weeks, 6 days, 18 hours until the last treatment!) Your prayers and support are invaluable.  Thanks again!

Home Run?

Today was a good day!  It appears that when the Dr. decided to step up to the plate and "take a swing", he hit a home run.  Praise the Lord!  In fact, he hit it out of the park!! My white blood count was not just normal, it was "high"!!  So I was able to have my one-drug chemo treatment today!  Thanks again for your prayers.  I'm thankful for the healing touch God has given to my body that is allowing my bone marrow to produce blood cells that I need! I am grateful for modern medicine and the shots I can get to "stimulate my bones".  God has given scientists and doctors amazing abilities.

All my counts were good.  My blood pressure which usually runs "soft" has recently been really soft!  Today it was acceptable!  And I gained a pound!

Who would have thought I would ever be glad I gained a pound?!!  My appetite isn't the best, but thanks to my brother's recipe for protein smoothies and to McDonald's medicinal chocolate milk shakes I may have found a cure for unwanted weight loss!!  Now don't get me wrong.  I'd be happy to stay at the weight where I am, but I don't want to keep this rate of loss up for the next 10 weeks!!  So I'm hoping I will be able to hold my own.  If I only lived closer to Ted Drewes I wouldn't have this problem!! :-)

I read again this morning, the verse in Proverbs 16:9, "The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps."  We have my treatment plan "planned out" for the next 9 weeks and 6 days :-).  I would be grateful if we could "sail" through without anymore complications with my blood counts.  BUT, whatever happens, it's comforting to me to know that "the Lord establishes my steps".  I will rest in that knowledge while we make our plans.

I suppose I will never get accustomed to going in for chemo.  Every week I dread going.  I'm not afraid.  I just don't look forward to the way it makes me feel.  We know a lady whose husband is going through cancer treatment,  I asked her the other day how he was doing.  She said, "He says he does fine - until "they" get a hold of him!"  That's kind of how I feel.  I get to feeling so good, that I "balk" a little when it comes time to go back in for another "dose"!!  But, I praise the Lord that I feel so well between treatments, that the side effects aren't severe and that they don't last long!  God is taking good care of me and I am very thankful.  And thank you again for bringing my name before our Father.  He is listening.  Thanks for your love and support!

Cycle Three - Yippee!!

I finally got to begin Cycle 3 of chemo yesterday!  That's the good news!  The "other news" is that my white count had gone back down, so the Dr. cut my dosage again - this time to 66%. Also as part of my treatment I will have to get four injections each week to boost my white count.  The Dr. seemed to be perplexed about what would be the best route to go with my treatment plan and this was the one he chose.  He said sometimes people don't respond like the textbook says, so we have to just "step up to the plate and take a swing"!  So, this is the swing.  I'm praying that it's a home run, not a strike! :-)

I am SO thankful to have begun Cycle 3!!  That means that at the end of this cycle I will be halfway finished!!  I continue to feel amazingly well!  I thank God every day.  My prayer is that my platelets don't go back down, following this treatment - like they did last time.  That could mean another delay with my treatment schedule.  I assume the Dr. thinks that by lowering my dose, it will minimize the risk of the platelets going down.  I guess we'll find out next Tuesday (April 19) when I go back for the next one-drug treatment which is part of Cycle 3.  I would appreciate your helping me pray that my platelet count will stay high.

The Dr. is checking to see if insurance will allow me to give the injections to myself at home.  It would be more convenient than going in four days a week to have someone else give it to me.  However, there is a reason I didn't become a nurse!  I'm going to try to learn this new skill, but Steve has said he will be my back-up.  He has a strong background of experience in giving injections - to our dog, Sam!  I told him at least I won't bite and I'll hold still!  My experience with giving injections does not bode well for my proposed new task.  I tried to give an injection to Sam one time.  When I looked into those puppy dog eyes, I just knew I was going to hurt him.  I ended up squirting the medicine all over his back!  None went under his skin. Then he looked at me with his puppy dog eyes again as if to say, "What was that all about?"  It was not a successful venture.  So....I'm hoping that someone at the Dr. office can teach me how to do this.  If I don't succeed, I know I can trust Steve.  I've seen him give injections. :-)

I will confess that after not having chemo for 3 weeks, I did not look forward to getting "doused" again.  But, as before, the Lord's presence was with me, giving me a calm spirit and peace.  I thank Him that the symptoms I am living with are so minimal compared to what some people deal with.  I am still able to carry on with daily activities - which include a nap or two!  I have learned to be thankful for many of the little things that I have often taken for granted.  I am learning to "Rejoice in the Lord always..." (Philippians 4:4).  As always, thank you for your prayers.  They are what give me the courage to face each day!  "I do not cease to give thanks for you..." (Ephesians 1:16)!

Quick Update

I have all good news and wanted to share it with you before the weekend begins.  I went in Thursday for blood work and all of my counts were normal!  Praise God for that!  So, no injections this weekend!

This afternoon I got the results from the bone marrow biopsy.  It was normal!  Praise God again!

I am so grateful!  The bone marrow results did give the Dr. information about the "cellularity" of my bones which apparently is lower than expected for someone my age.  This is way beyond my understanding level, but if I understood correctly, that may help explain why my blood count doesn't bounce back as fast after chemo.  I asked the nurse if there is anything I can do for that and she said, "No, it's just the way you're made.".  So, I guess once again, spinach or ice cream won't help!  But, I'm still going to try ice cream - just in case!

As before, thanks for your prayers.  It's been a long two days - waiting for this report!  I don't know if this new information will alter the treatment schedule or not.  It would seem my bones are not the most cooperative he's worked with!  I'm certain that we are on the road to the beginning of Cycle 3 on Tuesday, April 12!  We'll see where we go from there!  I'm glad I am depending on The One who is in control and that "all things are working together for my good"! (Romans 8:28)

Short Update

Thanks for your prayers!  The bone biopsy is over and I have "slept off my drunk" for a couple of hours.  I have a sore hip, otherwise, I'm no "worse for the wear".  The procedure was virtually painless.  They did a great job!  It's not something I would recommend doing for recreation, but they made it as pleasant as possible.  My Dr. said he has probably done 5000 of these procedures and that was apparent.

Once again, when it came time for the procedure, I felt peaceful and calm. Maybe some day I will learn that God gives grace when I need it - and not before!  I thought I needed grace yesterday for today's procedure!  It doesn't work that way!  Yesterday, the words of the song that stayed in my mind were:

In Christ alone, my heart is found, He is my light, my strength, my song.  

This cornerstone, this solid ground, Firm through the fiercest drought and storm.  

What heights of love, What depths of peace, 
When fears are stilled, When strivings cease.                       
My comforter, my All in All, Here in the love of Christ I stand.

Those words helped calm my uneasiness.

When they did my blood work this morning they found that my counts had already come up - on their own!  Thanks again for the prayers!  The Dr. said that after seeing today's numbers, he was comfortable that they would rebound.  So, I was hopeful that the biopsy scenario would be changed. But, the Dr. said "since we're all here" he wanted to go ahead and collect more data that would help him as he makes decisions regarding my treatments in the weeks to come.  I did remind him that the data he was collecting were in my bones!!  He laughed!  (It wasn't a joke! :-))

We should get results tomorrow or Friday.  The nurse told me again that the way the Dr. is talking, she knows he expects them to be normal.  I will be glad to know for sure! 

It is really amazing how God gives me a song for each day when I'm going through a difficult time.  When I woke up this morning, the words that were going through my mind are a song sung by Lynda Randle, "God on the Mountain":

Life is easy, When you're up on the mountain.

You've got peace of mind, Like you've never known.

But things change when you're down in the valley.

Don't lose faith, For you're never alone.

For the God on the mountain, Is still God in the valley,

When things go wrong, He'll make them right.

And the God of the good times, Is still God in the bad times,

The God of the day, Is still God in the night..... 

When I wake up with the words to a song going through my mind, I always stop and "take note" because I consider it a gift from God, and I listen with interest to "hear" what He's telling me for the day.  Today's song was, as always, perfectly appropriate for this day of my journey.

If all goes according to the plan :-), I will start Cycle 3 this coming Tuesday. Thank you again for your prayers and friendship!

Speed Bump in the Journey - Number ????

I'm starting to lose track of these speed bumps.  I went in for chemo today to find that my white count was up - thanks to 4 injections that I received daily, starting last Thursday.  But....my platelets were down.  So, once again I did not get to have my chemo treatment.  Since this was to be the beginning of Cycle 3, my ending date has now been moved out a week later.

Today the Dr. said that this blood count is not typical.  He said my bone marrow is being "very individual".  So, in an effort to figure out what's going on, he's planning to do a bone marrow biopsy tomorrow.  I will also have more blood work done on Thursday, and based on that information, he will determine if I need more injections to continue to boost my white count.  

As always, I appreciate your prayers.  I have to say I'm working hard at not being discouraged.  But, then, I guess that's not my job anyway!  :-)  This afternoon I read from Joshua, "Have I not commanded you?  Be strong and courageous.  Do not be frightened and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go."  So, I really do need to just "chill". I also read today in Isaiah, "...in quietness and in trust shall be your strength."  I'm not in charge of this whole ordeal even though I do have each treatment mapped out on my calendar.  And I do have an app on my iPhone that is counting down the seconds until my last treatment! :-)  So now I have to change all of that!  I guess I was thinking I knew the schedule.  Guess not!

I have a Board of Governors meeting at Truman State University this weekend and I was not looking forward to doing that meeting "all drugged up" after my treatment today.  So, the Lord took care of that.  Also, I came home from the Dr. and mowed the lawn.  How cool is that?  I had to thank the Lord that throughout all of these days of recovery from surgery and the chemotherapy treatments, I have had no pain.  Misery, yes!  But, no pain (once I got off the morphine in the hospital!).  What a wonderful blessing!  So as I was riding the mower in the wonderful spring weather, I was SO grateful that I am able to do that - in the midst of my treatments.

I'm not looking forward to the biopsy tomorrow and I would be thrilled if, when I get there, my platelet count would be back up.  That's how I'm praying.  I'm also praying that if they do the biopsy, the results will show that my bone marrow is normal.  So, thanks for your prayers.  (I'm actually pretty nervous about the whole ordeal tomorrow.)  I wanted to share this news so my friends would know how to pray.  I'll keep you posted as things develop.  Right now I'm scheduled to begin Cycle 3, next Tuesday, April 12.  So between now and then my blood work needs to "shape up" so I'm ready.  So you can help me pray for that!  Thanks again for your interest, prayers, and support!

No Chemo Today

Bummer!  My counts were too low again today so I didn't "get to do" chemo.  I was disappointed, but not devastated.  The Dr. said last week he would be surprised if they were high enough for a treatment this week.  I was praying that he would be surprised, but the Lord surprised me instead!  I really thought they would be up.  I had prayed specifically for those counts!!

I have mentioned before,that most mornings I wake up with a song running through my mind.  Today's song was, "Come and see the glory of the Lord.  Come and bow before His throne.....For He is Lord of all creation, Lord of all the earth.  Lord above the heavens, Worthy, so worthy to be praised..."  I'm not sure I have all the words right, but the message of the song spoke to me.  I knew there was a chance "our plans" weren't going to work out for today.  But, I know the One who is in control, so I can relax in His plan, knowing it is best!  The Dr. seemed to be in tune with that thinking as well, only he quoted the verse, "The best laid plans of mice and men....." Once again I couldn't find that one in the Bible. :-) 

My Dr. cracks me up.  He has a great sense of humor.  And he rarely sits still!  When he decided the counts were too low and we wouldn't do chemo, I told him that I had even eaten my spinach this week.  He kept right on working on the computer and said, "So, that's why you had that corn cob pipe hanging out of your mouth when you came in." - making reference, of course, to Popeye.  I told him I had hoped he wouldn't see me with it.:-)  Bottom line, he continues to tell me, there is nothing I can do about the counts.  I just want to "do something"!!  :-)  I've never before found something that ice cream didn't fix, so I'm out of my comfort zone!

My white blood cells are the culprits, specifically the neutrophils (I think).  They seem to be especially sensitive to chemotherapy.  There is a shot they can give that will boost the count, and he said will make my bones ache.  I am to go in on Thursday for blood work.  At that time the Dr. will determine whether or not I need the shot to get me prepared for the beginning of Cycle 3 on Tuesday, April 5.  That will be the next two-drug treatment.

I am officially "without hair" although I still have a little - very little. :-)  It seems to have quit coming out for now.  We'll see how much of it hangs on for the duration.  I've attached a picture of me with my new "do".  I'm starting to feel comfortable in it.  It is definitely an adjustment.  I had no idea how much of my identify was associated with my hair.  I mean, after all, it has been part of "me" for 60 years!  I'm sure it's the same with losing any part of the body.  It's a grieving process.  I'm just grateful that this part of my body isn't functional and it will grow back.  It helps me empathize in some small degree with those who have to lose other body parts through injury or disease.  I'm glad these earthly bodies are temporary.  They are our "earthly tents". (II Corinthians 5:1)  We will one day shed limitations due to our earthly body and enjoy a perfected body! (I Corinthians 15:42-44)  Meantime, we do the best we can with these earthly bodies that don't always do what we want them to do!  And, as Paul says, in Romans 8:18, "For I consider the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us!"

Thank you again for your prayers.  My progress through this journey is a testimony to God's strength - and that's because of your prayers.  So, as you pray, help us pray that my count will be up and that I won't need the shot. Meantime, I am feeling miraculously well!  The Dr. gave me a prescription that has helped my indigestion a lot!  I have good energy and don't feel too weak. I am thankful for every good day.  I always have a few "lower" days after each treatment, especially the "beginning-of-the-cycle, two-drug treatments".  But, God gives strength for those days and I know He will for the future ones as well.

Quick Update

Today's treatment went well - again!  Praise the Lord!  My blood counts are about the same as last week - borderline.  Thanks to all of you who helped us pray that they would be high enough for me to get the treatment!

The Dr. said the hypothesis is that my body metabolizes the chemo slower than most people so that is keeping the counts low.  I could have told them I have slow metabolism!  I'm over 40 aren't I?  Oops - that would be over 60 now!  And why else, for years, have I had to workout daily just to maintain my weight?  That's no hypothesis - that's a fact!  So, what he says makes sense to me.:-)  He also said that since the drugs are slower to leave my body, they are slower to work on any bad cells that might be in there.  So, that's a good thing!  The Dr. isn't as optimistic that the counts will rebound before next week's treatment, but I'm scheduled to go in for the 3rd one in this cycle on Tuesday, the 29th.  So, you can help us pray that my counts will be high enough that I can get that treatment.  The Dr.'s optimism (or lack thereof) isn't taking into consideration all the prayer that goes up for my bone marrow and blood counts!

I thank God that the symptoms of the chemo continue to be minimal.  It's a miracle - an answer to prayer.  I admit that my knees wobble sometimes, and I carry my little nausea pills with me everywhere I go, but overall I am blessed beyond my expectations. Oh, and I don't have hair.  I hope that's a side effect and not heredity!!!

Across the years I had learned in church that God's mercies are new every morning. (Lamentations 3:23)  But, now I KNOW that!  His blessings are never early, but they aren't late - they are new every morning. Today's mercies are for today's burdens.  Tomorrow's mercies will be for tomorrow's problems.  It's easy for me to wonder (Steve would say I worry!) about what will happen tomorrow.  But, this time of health crisis is helping me to trust God for his mercies that come day by day.  He didn't tell us to pray "give us this week our weekly bread"!  It's daily!  God gives us what we need today.  If we needed more, He would give us more.  When we need something else, He will give us that as well. (paraphrased from Ray Pritchard's The God You Can Trust)

This week I was finally able to honestly thank the Lord for my diagnosis and the lessons I am learning.  I am praying that I learn them well.  When we teach elementary students to be good readers and writers, we talk about "noticings".  I always loved to hear the kids talk about their "noticings". The most important noticing for  me in this experience is God's love.  He IS love and I'm learning to be more consistent in resting in that love, knowing that "all things are working together for good".

Thanks again for your prayer and your support..  It is invaluable and highly valued! (Was that redundant?  You know what I meant!)

Cycle Two - Woo Hoo! (3-15-11)

I "got to" begin cycle two today with two drugs - the same as my first treatment.  Only four more of those to go! :-) Today I had lots of visitors!  Steve was with me as always.  He is SO good!  Then, about halfway through the treatment, my dad and nephew, Grant (who is here on spring break), came by.  So Steve took a lunch break while I visited with Daddy and Grant.  I'm guessing there won't be very many Iowa State guys who can say they spent part of their spring break visiting in a chemo infusion center!   

I went in to the Dr. office on Friday and got blood drawn.  My blood count was much-improved, not what it should be, but heading in the right direction.  Today the counts were still about what they were on Friday so the Dr. cut my doses by about 25%.  Depending on what my counts do, they plan to "inch the doses back up" to the level I can tolerate.  The nurse told me that if the drugs are "killing the bone marrow" that means they are killing any cancer that might be in my body too.  Maybe eventually I'll ''graduate" to higher doses, but they say some people just have sensitive bone marrow.  So I aspire to larger doses! :-)  I asked the Dr. if I couldn't eat some spinach or something to help my counts.  He said I could, but I would just grow muscular forearms and have a little tattoo on each arm!  So I guess there's no advantage to looking like Popeye!

Speaking of how I look.  The hair gremlins invaded our house this past week.  They are taking my hair!  Yes, I cried, but not for very long.  I was comforted by the verse in Matthew (10:30) that says "even the hairs of your head are all numbered."  As fast as they were/are falling out, I knew God was right here with me....counting!!!  He's even with me during the night because they are falling out on my pillow.  So, if you're having trouble getting your prayers answered, just know He's busy with me right now! :-)  Aren't we glad He is really everywhere and with each of us?  And He gives each of us just what we need!

Anyway, I'm now wearing my wig. ( It is no longer sitting on the flower vase - except at night!)  A few friends have sent me caps and I have several "girl" ball caps.  So I should have adequate head covering!

I'm ready to settle in and get over this round, then I will go back on Tuesday for another round of one drug.  Help us pray that my counts don't go down after this treatment, but that they will continue to stay where they are or to go up would be better!  I have developed a little upper respiratory "thing" that merited antibiotics.  So, my body has work to do and I'm praying the Lord will bring healing.

Thanks again to you for your prayers and support.  I am totally dependent on the Lord for strength for each day - and He has done far more abundantly than I could ask or think. (Ephesians 3:20).  As my hair was coming out and I was putting it into the wastebasket, a song, that my niece, Shara, sent to me was going through my mind.  It is sung by Black gospel singers, so quoting the words doesn't do it justice.  It's sung with lots of background "Amens" and much feeling!
    
    " I know that I can make it
     I know that I can stand
     No matter what may come my way
     My life is in His hands."
 
AMEN!!

P.S.  On a lighter note, I got to thinking last night that there isn't one person at Missouri Cancer Associates (besides the people getting paid) who wants to be there.  So....I wore my St. Patrick's Day necklace that has a huge flashing shamrock on it. When people commented on it I told them I was flashing people today!  That lightened up the atmosphere for a while!  :-)

Cycle #1 - Update 3-8-11

"How do you eat an elephant?"  
"One bite at a time!!!"

I looked for the Scripture reference for the above proverb, but couldn't find it! :-)  Anyway, I'm eating my elephant!  That's about all the news I have!

The first three-week cycle has gone so very well as far as how I feel!  I thank the Lord for every good day!  It's miraculous!  With my little nausea pills and extra rest, I have been amazingly comfortable.  I actually am able to carry on with my regular daily schedule most of the time.

"Doing chemo"

My treatment plan calls for weekly one-drug infusions during the two weeks between the "big" two-drug  infusions (which are every three weeks).  So I'm to go in every week for some kind of treatment and Tuesday is my day.

I went in today for my second one-drug infusion in this cycle, but they decided against doing the treatment because my blood levels are too low.  I was disappointed.  Who would have thought - disappointed because I didn't "get to have" chemo??!!  But, here's what the Dr. told us.   The blood counts depend on the sensitivity of the patient's bone marrow.  They don't know how sensitive a person's is until they give the drugs.  So, during the first cycle, it isn't uncommon to have to make adjustments in the dosage to fit the person.  They lowered my dosage last week, but my counts went down more.  He thinks they will go back up on their own, but if they don't he said they can give me some medicine over the weekend that will boost them.  The plan is to go ahead and start cycle #2 (with the second big two-drug infusion) on Tuesday, the 15th of March.

So, I guess I now know that I have sensitive bone marrow.  Steve would call it another indication of "high maintenance"!  The main concern is to not get some kind of infection while the counts are so low.  So, please help us pray that I will stay well and not catch any bugs.

I just passed the 6 week anniversary of my surgery so, many of my restrictions have been lifted.  I can now put my own groceries in the car instead of having someone help me out like a little old lady!  I can work out a little and lift some light weights.  So, maybe my body won't go completely to "jell-o" during these next few months if I can muster the energy to stay in shape!

God continues to give me strength for each day.  If I think about how many days until I'm finished with this, I start to get discouraged.  Then I remember the reading that I quoted earlier from Jesus Calling by Sarah Young:

"Trust Me enough to face problems as they come, rather than trying to anticipate them.  Fix your eyes on  Me, the Author and Perfecter of your faith, and many difficulties on the road ahead will vanish before you reach them." (based on Hebrews 12:2) 

Very slowly I'm learning not to try to anticipate.  I have to trust God one day at a time and not worry about the future.

I'm reading a book by Ray Pritchard, The God We Can Trust.  A couple of quotes have been especially meaningful to me.

"We begin with God and we end with God, and He is our only hope between the beginning and the end."

"God cares about the tiniest details of life.....He knows when a sparrow falls and He numbers the hairs on your head......He uses everything and wastes nothing.  There are no accidents with God, only incidents."

I depend on prayer to get me through each day.  Thank you for your prayers and support.  I will add updates as things of interest occur.  In the meantime, keep praying and I'll keep "eating this elephant"!!

 

First Chemo Treatment

The first chemo treatment is history!  Thank you so much for your prayers, emails, text messages, ad infinitum……  The day couldn’t have gone any better.  I could so seriously feel the prayers.  It was amazing!  I had to blink back the tears a couple of times as I sat in the chair and thought about how peaceful and calm I was.  We all know that wasn’t “me”!  Not in my nature! One of the social workers came by and visited with me during my treatment.  When she found out it was my first one, she asked if I was nervous.  I had to tell her I wasn’t!!  That’s a tangible answer to prayer!

The steroids I had to take last night normally would have kept me awake.  (One of those pills usually keeps me awake and I had to take five!)  I slept like a baby!  All the things that have been, and could have been wrong were “all better”.  My blood pressure which runs low and has been running “lower” was almost up to where a normal person’s would be!  My heart rate which tends to run fast and has been running “faster” was just fast!  And the fluid they removed from my abdomen was put through a long list of tests to determine if it was anything bad and all tests came back good!

Thanks again to my personal nurse, chauffeur, encourager, comedian, and friend who also was with me every minute – well, except for when he went and got himself some Taco Bell!  He does have an appreciation for authentic international foods even in difficult times!

The first thought through my mind this morning was “This is the day the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it!” (Ps. 118:24)  It’s been a good day!  I know tough days are coming, but the God who gave me strength for today will give me strength for tomorrow!  Thanks again for your prayers.  They are invaluable to me!

“After you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen and establish you!” (I Peter 5:10)