No Chemo Today

Bummer!  My counts were too low again today so I didn't "get to do" chemo.  I was disappointed, but not devastated.  The Dr. said last week he would be surprised if they were high enough for a treatment this week.  I was praying that he would be surprised, but the Lord surprised me instead!  I really thought they would be up.  I had prayed specifically for those counts!!

I have mentioned before,that most mornings I wake up with a song running through my mind.  Today's song was, "Come and see the glory of the Lord.  Come and bow before His throne.....For He is Lord of all creation, Lord of all the earth.  Lord above the heavens, Worthy, so worthy to be praised..."  I'm not sure I have all the words right, but the message of the song spoke to me.  I knew there was a chance "our plans" weren't going to work out for today.  But, I know the One who is in control, so I can relax in His plan, knowing it is best!  The Dr. seemed to be in tune with that thinking as well, only he quoted the verse, "The best laid plans of mice and men....." Once again I couldn't find that one in the Bible. :-) 

My Dr. cracks me up.  He has a great sense of humor.  And he rarely sits still!  When he decided the counts were too low and we wouldn't do chemo, I told him that I had even eaten my spinach this week.  He kept right on working on the computer and said, "So, that's why you had that corn cob pipe hanging out of your mouth when you came in." - making reference, of course, to Popeye.  I told him I had hoped he wouldn't see me with it.:-)  Bottom line, he continues to tell me, there is nothing I can do about the counts.  I just want to "do something"!!  :-)  I've never before found something that ice cream didn't fix, so I'm out of my comfort zone!

My white blood cells are the culprits, specifically the neutrophils (I think).  They seem to be especially sensitive to chemotherapy.  There is a shot they can give that will boost the count, and he said will make my bones ache.  I am to go in on Thursday for blood work.  At that time the Dr. will determine whether or not I need the shot to get me prepared for the beginning of Cycle 3 on Tuesday, April 5.  That will be the next two-drug treatment.

I am officially "without hair" although I still have a little - very little. :-)  It seems to have quit coming out for now.  We'll see how much of it hangs on for the duration.  I've attached a picture of me with my new "do".  I'm starting to feel comfortable in it.  It is definitely an adjustment.  I had no idea how much of my identify was associated with my hair.  I mean, after all, it has been part of "me" for 60 years!  I'm sure it's the same with losing any part of the body.  It's a grieving process.  I'm just grateful that this part of my body isn't functional and it will grow back.  It helps me empathize in some small degree with those who have to lose other body parts through injury or disease.  I'm glad these earthly bodies are temporary.  They are our "earthly tents". (II Corinthians 5:1)  We will one day shed limitations due to our earthly body and enjoy a perfected body! (I Corinthians 15:42-44)  Meantime, we do the best we can with these earthly bodies that don't always do what we want them to do!  And, as Paul says, in Romans 8:18, "For I consider the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us!"

Thank you again for your prayers.  My progress through this journey is a testimony to God's strength - and that's because of your prayers.  So, as you pray, help us pray that my count will be up and that I won't need the shot. Meantime, I am feeling miraculously well!  The Dr. gave me a prescription that has helped my indigestion a lot!  I have good energy and don't feel too weak. I am thankful for every good day.  I always have a few "lower" days after each treatment, especially the "beginning-of-the-cycle, two-drug treatments".  But, God gives strength for those days and I know He will for the future ones as well.

Quick Update

Today's treatment went well - again!  Praise the Lord!  My blood counts are about the same as last week - borderline.  Thanks to all of you who helped us pray that they would be high enough for me to get the treatment!

The Dr. said the hypothesis is that my body metabolizes the chemo slower than most people so that is keeping the counts low.  I could have told them I have slow metabolism!  I'm over 40 aren't I?  Oops - that would be over 60 now!  And why else, for years, have I had to workout daily just to maintain my weight?  That's no hypothesis - that's a fact!  So, what he says makes sense to me.:-)  He also said that since the drugs are slower to leave my body, they are slower to work on any bad cells that might be in there.  So, that's a good thing!  The Dr. isn't as optimistic that the counts will rebound before next week's treatment, but I'm scheduled to go in for the 3rd one in this cycle on Tuesday, the 29th.  So, you can help us pray that my counts will be high enough that I can get that treatment.  The Dr.'s optimism (or lack thereof) isn't taking into consideration all the prayer that goes up for my bone marrow and blood counts!

I thank God that the symptoms of the chemo continue to be minimal.  It's a miracle - an answer to prayer.  I admit that my knees wobble sometimes, and I carry my little nausea pills with me everywhere I go, but overall I am blessed beyond my expectations. Oh, and I don't have hair.  I hope that's a side effect and not heredity!!!

Across the years I had learned in church that God's mercies are new every morning. (Lamentations 3:23)  But, now I KNOW that!  His blessings are never early, but they aren't late - they are new every morning. Today's mercies are for today's burdens.  Tomorrow's mercies will be for tomorrow's problems.  It's easy for me to wonder (Steve would say I worry!) about what will happen tomorrow.  But, this time of health crisis is helping me to trust God for his mercies that come day by day.  He didn't tell us to pray "give us this week our weekly bread"!  It's daily!  God gives us what we need today.  If we needed more, He would give us more.  When we need something else, He will give us that as well. (paraphrased from Ray Pritchard's The God You Can Trust)

This week I was finally able to honestly thank the Lord for my diagnosis and the lessons I am learning.  I am praying that I learn them well.  When we teach elementary students to be good readers and writers, we talk about "noticings".  I always loved to hear the kids talk about their "noticings". The most important noticing for  me in this experience is God's love.  He IS love and I'm learning to be more consistent in resting in that love, knowing that "all things are working together for good".

Thanks again for your prayer and your support..  It is invaluable and highly valued! (Was that redundant?  You know what I meant!)

Cycle Two - Woo Hoo! (3-15-11)

I "got to" begin cycle two today with two drugs - the same as my first treatment.  Only four more of those to go! :-) Today I had lots of visitors!  Steve was with me as always.  He is SO good!  Then, about halfway through the treatment, my dad and nephew, Grant (who is here on spring break), came by.  So Steve took a lunch break while I visited with Daddy and Grant.  I'm guessing there won't be very many Iowa State guys who can say they spent part of their spring break visiting in a chemo infusion center!   

I went in to the Dr. office on Friday and got blood drawn.  My blood count was much-improved, not what it should be, but heading in the right direction.  Today the counts were still about what they were on Friday so the Dr. cut my doses by about 25%.  Depending on what my counts do, they plan to "inch the doses back up" to the level I can tolerate.  The nurse told me that if the drugs are "killing the bone marrow" that means they are killing any cancer that might be in my body too.  Maybe eventually I'll ''graduate" to higher doses, but they say some people just have sensitive bone marrow.  So I aspire to larger doses! :-)  I asked the Dr. if I couldn't eat some spinach or something to help my counts.  He said I could, but I would just grow muscular forearms and have a little tattoo on each arm!  So I guess there's no advantage to looking like Popeye!

Speaking of how I look.  The hair gremlins invaded our house this past week.  They are taking my hair!  Yes, I cried, but not for very long.  I was comforted by the verse in Matthew (10:30) that says "even the hairs of your head are all numbered."  As fast as they were/are falling out, I knew God was right here with me....counting!!!  He's even with me during the night because they are falling out on my pillow.  So, if you're having trouble getting your prayers answered, just know He's busy with me right now! :-)  Aren't we glad He is really everywhere and with each of us?  And He gives each of us just what we need!

Anyway, I'm now wearing my wig. ( It is no longer sitting on the flower vase - except at night!)  A few friends have sent me caps and I have several "girl" ball caps.  So I should have adequate head covering!

I'm ready to settle in and get over this round, then I will go back on Tuesday for another round of one drug.  Help us pray that my counts don't go down after this treatment, but that they will continue to stay where they are or to go up would be better!  I have developed a little upper respiratory "thing" that merited antibiotics.  So, my body has work to do and I'm praying the Lord will bring healing.

Thanks again to you for your prayers and support.  I am totally dependent on the Lord for strength for each day - and He has done far more abundantly than I could ask or think. (Ephesians 3:20).  As my hair was coming out and I was putting it into the wastebasket, a song, that my niece, Shara, sent to me was going through my mind.  It is sung by Black gospel singers, so quoting the words doesn't do it justice.  It's sung with lots of background "Amens" and much feeling!
    
    " I know that I can make it
     I know that I can stand
     No matter what may come my way
     My life is in His hands."
 
AMEN!!

P.S.  On a lighter note, I got to thinking last night that there isn't one person at Missouri Cancer Associates (besides the people getting paid) who wants to be there.  So....I wore my St. Patrick's Day necklace that has a huge flashing shamrock on it. When people commented on it I told them I was flashing people today!  That lightened up the atmosphere for a while!  :-)

Cycle #1 - Update 3-8-11

"How do you eat an elephant?"  
"One bite at a time!!!"

I looked for the Scripture reference for the above proverb, but couldn't find it! :-)  Anyway, I'm eating my elephant!  That's about all the news I have!

The first three-week cycle has gone so very well as far as how I feel!  I thank the Lord for every good day!  It's miraculous!  With my little nausea pills and extra rest, I have been amazingly comfortable.  I actually am able to carry on with my regular daily schedule most of the time.

"Doing chemo"

My treatment plan calls for weekly one-drug infusions during the two weeks between the "big" two-drug  infusions (which are every three weeks).  So I'm to go in every week for some kind of treatment and Tuesday is my day.

I went in today for my second one-drug infusion in this cycle, but they decided against doing the treatment because my blood levels are too low.  I was disappointed.  Who would have thought - disappointed because I didn't "get to have" chemo??!!  But, here's what the Dr. told us.   The blood counts depend on the sensitivity of the patient's bone marrow.  They don't know how sensitive a person's is until they give the drugs.  So, during the first cycle, it isn't uncommon to have to make adjustments in the dosage to fit the person.  They lowered my dosage last week, but my counts went down more.  He thinks they will go back up on their own, but if they don't he said they can give me some medicine over the weekend that will boost them.  The plan is to go ahead and start cycle #2 (with the second big two-drug infusion) on Tuesday, the 15th of March.

So, I guess I now know that I have sensitive bone marrow.  Steve would call it another indication of "high maintenance"!  The main concern is to not get some kind of infection while the counts are so low.  So, please help us pray that I will stay well and not catch any bugs.

I just passed the 6 week anniversary of my surgery so, many of my restrictions have been lifted.  I can now put my own groceries in the car instead of having someone help me out like a little old lady!  I can work out a little and lift some light weights.  So, maybe my body won't go completely to "jell-o" during these next few months if I can muster the energy to stay in shape!

God continues to give me strength for each day.  If I think about how many days until I'm finished with this, I start to get discouraged.  Then I remember the reading that I quoted earlier from Jesus Calling by Sarah Young:

"Trust Me enough to face problems as they come, rather than trying to anticipate them.  Fix your eyes on  Me, the Author and Perfecter of your faith, and many difficulties on the road ahead will vanish before you reach them." (based on Hebrews 12:2) 

Very slowly I'm learning not to try to anticipate.  I have to trust God one day at a time and not worry about the future.

I'm reading a book by Ray Pritchard, The God We Can Trust.  A couple of quotes have been especially meaningful to me.

"We begin with God and we end with God, and He is our only hope between the beginning and the end."

"God cares about the tiniest details of life.....He knows when a sparrow falls and He numbers the hairs on your head......He uses everything and wastes nothing.  There are no accidents with God, only incidents."

I depend on prayer to get me through each day.  Thank you for your prayers and support.  I will add updates as things of interest occur.  In the meantime, keep praying and I'll keep "eating this elephant"!!